I was wrong, and perhaps Andrew does think of me as more than just a buddy, even though he made me promise that we were just good friends. But I have hope, I have a lot of hope, and that's awesome.


Anna, how am I going to survive that game without you? And I want your layout.

Growth group yesterday was a lot of fun, maybe because it was a smaller group and we didn't spend too much time staring at each other, trying to be spiritual. I like talking about my faith, don't get me wrong, but it's intimidating surrounded by people, especially when you haven't grown up immersed in a faith. The other thing that went better than expected was that having Andrew in my house wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been. My parents skipped out before they could meet him ( but he went to the wrong house, so he was a bit late ), so I was saved from that ordeal. And he was as friendly as ever, although he clearly wants little to do with me outside of the group. But maybe that's not fair. He did drop by work and sit with me outside while I took a lunch break. ( And he left early, but at least he sat down and chatted for a while. After everything that's happened, even a few minutes of one-on-one time seemed unlikely. )

Anyway, I keep feeling like I'm losing ground on the Andrew front as fast as I'm making it. I keep telling myself I'm in the power seat, and that I should be ( well-past ) starting to get over him. But honestly, I still look for his car and I still kind of want him to pop up at Starbucks, which makes it hard to get over him. It's all mental, I understand that, and I suppose that means I have no mental discipline. Oh well.

I've been writing so much. I'm still trying to wrap the second part of Being Blind, not to mention I've started the second part of 55th & 3rd and now I'm working on a crime saga of my own. dr_zhivago and I have spent an obsessive amount of time creating our own little Homicide-Unit world, and I've devoted some time to actually collecting it all into a solid piece that makes cohesive sense. It's a slow process, as with writing CSI:NY, there's a formula. This has to come entirely from scratch. But I know Dr Z will help me.

Right now I'm waiting for my Bio Lab class to start, which is something like Chinese water torture, because I'm sick and don't want to go, and as soon as class is done, I have to go home and get ready for work.

Also, my DVR says the NY episode playing this week is Trapped, but I think it's posted on CBS and Futon Critic that the episode should be All Access. I'm not sure if I could handle watching Stella get brutalized again -- I've already seen the episode twice, and really, I only needed to see it once. At the same time, Melina is amazing and I loved the interaction between her and Flack. But I also loved Trapped, and I always kind of wanted there to be a scene with Mac eating shrimp from a shrimp cocktail at the end. Okay, so it's not realistic for the show, but if Danny can bring bug soup to the lab so everyone can dig in, I think Mac can feast on shrimp. Added plus to Trapped: Adam is in it.

Oh well, I suppose I should go do something productive, but my brain is fried after the in-depth look at cell organelles I just sat through for three hours. I think some food is what the doctor would order.

♥ LoPo

At long last, here are some icon bases from Obsession. Enjoy them!

TEASERS:

001. 002. 003.

My brother left yesterday and never came back. My mum only knows that he's with his girlfriend. We don't know where he is, and we're pretty sure he's not coming back unless he's forced.

And I'm sitting here, feeling helpless because there's nothing I can do.

With the exception of Flack and Hawkes, I was completely bored with the episode of CSI: NY last night. Which means I'm only looking forward to Some Buried Bones even more, because hopefully it will be more interesting. But I suppose my frustration is simply because, once again, Danny and Lindsay and their "chemistry" was supposed to be the main content or emotional hook of the episode, and I'm thoroughly bored with that. I've never been a fan of the pairing, I've never noticed any special chemistry between the two in their scenes, and so for it to be brought to my attention over and over... it gets annoying, to say the least.

Anyway, against my own better judgement, I have started a long CSI: NY fic. Which, since I'm trying to keep it tied so closely to the actual show and the events in the show so far, features a bit of Danny/Lindsay ( but this is just one of several pairings, including Flack/Stella feat. Mac, and Hawkes/Angell ). I'm not gonna lie: it's already a challenge for me to write since I have little faith in the pairing. However, it's such a prominant issue on the show, especially at the moment, that I ran with it for the fic. And, for the most part, it will be set during the time Lindsay is away in Montana. And I'm thinking of adding an original character or two, but that's always a difficult thing to do -- at least to do well.

Which actually brings me to my next point: any good CSI: NY fanfic communities I can join? I don't want to run around willy-nilly, I want some good active ones where I can share my fics and read other good ones. I trust you guys to let me know!

As for Andrew, I was spared his company this morning, which after yesterday is probably a blessing. But damn it all, I felt a little disappointed that I didn't see him. Talk about chasing my own tail. Yeesh. I'm a wreck when it comes to this stuff.

Anyway, I'm only half-way through my day of Bio, and it was so hard to stay awake through lecture that I almost died. But the lab might prove more interesting, and ( geek that I am ), I always feel cool in the lab -- like I'm doing something that our adorkable tech might do, or else playing with stuff I've seen on the show.

Yup. I need help.

Anyway, I found some caps so look for icons within the week, and hopefully I'll have either the second part of Being Blind up, or the first part of this new saga I'm writing for you.

♥ LoPo

...I think Growth Group is gonna be at my house from now on. Which means that Andrew's going to be in my house.

But Stephen's mom has a new job and he can't host anymore, and no one else seemed to be offering. My mum said it would be cool if we hosted and, well...Ugh.

I know I've just complicated things for myself. And I'm beating myself up for it. But the good news is, whenever I can get my hands on some quality caps from Obsession, I'll have new icons. And I started working on the second part of what was supposed to be my one shot. Hopefully that will be done in a few days. I'm even thinking of making it a short trilogy -- we'll see how ambitious I'm feeling once I start wrapping up part two...

In other news, I'm sitting at home, alone, trying to find something to do. I tried calling dr_zhivago, but I kind of expected her to be busy. So now it's to the cable, to see if anything even remotely interesting is on. Maybe the History Channel will save me from myself, who knows?

EDIT: It also sucks that I think now Andrew thinks I'm playing hard to get because all of a sudden, I have text messages.

I can already tell you it's going to be an awkward semester. I headed out of my door at 8:30 to begin the trek to school ( which is a good half hour drive, even the way I drive ), and as I was heading to my car, I looked up and there he was, climbing into his own car. Andrew.

You know, I was proud of myself for not letting my feelings get the best of me until I was home alone last night after seeing him again at Growth Group. Then I cried for a couple hours in the dark because not only was the situation awkward and upsetting, but because I had no one to call. So I had some wine and cheese and had a good cry, and then I went up to bed, when finally dr_zhivago called me back about forty minutes after I'd curled up in a ball in bed. Don't lie to me -- you were drunk, Z.

Well, at any rate, it was nice to get it out. A good two months of mourning had built up in me and seeing him just tipped me over the edge. But then, this morning, he and I were driving and he kept doing that stuff -- changing lanes with me, or pulling up beside my car and just hanging out there. Finally I pulled off into my Starbucks' parking lot and he kept going, but man...seeing him every Monday night and Tuesday morning is going to cause me serious frustration. And heartache.

Now I'm about to go to Biology, but my concentration is completely shot. I took about 5lbs of aspirin with me because I have a feeling he's going to dominate my thoughts all morning, and that seriously sucks.

But in other news, I have come up with a few twists for that Adam story, which might help soothe my nerves. I really wanted it to be a stand-alone piece, but I can't seem to let myself leave it alone.

I think I might go watch AJ shiver his way through crime scene photography again on my iPod before class starts, or else finish up my Sherlock Holmes story. And maybe then I won't be freaking out.

Sometimes I hate boys. And I always hate what they can do to us girls.

It's that time again...ICON BASES!

Unfortunately, these aren't from 3.13 Obsession ( those are on the way ), but an older batch from a couple of season 2 and 3 episodes. Hope you enjoy them!

Teasers:
oo1. oo2.
oo3.

(  by the way, he likes to go for second base...  )

Like I said, more are on the way, this time of everybody and from the latest episode. Keep your eyes peeled!

So I've re-watched CSI: NY episode 3.13, Obession, and in a nutshell, my thoughts are this: the first half of the episode was far better than the last half. Now, I know my love of Adam might bias me, but I also just thought the second half was a lot less fun for all the characters. Anyway, because I can: